Second City Network

5 Easy Ways to Land a Nerd

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Ladieeeees! Times have changed! Nerds are the new jocks, and if you want to land one for yourself, you can’t just don a pair of dork-chic fake glasses and expect the Nerd Boys to flock to you.

You need to not only walk the walk, but talk the talk… or at least know who the 12th Doctor is. Did you just say “Doctor who?”

Exactly.

Get out there into the Nerd Wilderness armed with this knowledge and bag yourself some Grade A Choice Nerd.

1. Create a Safe Space

If you’re going to have a Nerd enter your dwelling, make it as welcoming as possible! Stock your fridge with Mountain Dew and throw down for some mini-pizzas. Nerds. Love. Mini-Pizzas. It is their life-blood. It will put them at ease and distract them from judging your home for not having enough action figures inside of it.

2. Talk About Comic Books

If you find yourself in a conversation with a Nerd about anything comic book-related and you have no idea what they are talking about, don’t panic! There’s an easy way to handle it. Remember this phrase:

“Oh, sure. By the way, what do you think about the DC Reboot?”

This will send any respectable Nerd into a lengthy diatribe about costumes and continuity, and you will look clever and informed for having brought it up. Also attractive.

3. So much Sci-Fi, So Little Time

Sci-fi television is a vast space-scape where if you get lost, no one will hear you scream. From naming your favorite Doctor to discussing Battlestar Galactica to analyzing Sharknado shot by shot, there are too many variables, so your best bet is to just mutter something that sounds like “Joss Whedon” and play dead.

4. What to Wear

When it comes to fashion, think about a cape. **Nerds love a cape** Yes, it’s a stereotype, and it may not be everyday attire… but seriously girls, who among us hasn’t thrown on a cape in the privacy of our own home…. What? Just me? Riiiight, that’s why I’ve already landed a Nerd. Anyways…

5. Trek Vs. Wars

Star Trek and Star Wars are 100% guaranteed sources of MNB (Major Nerd Boners).

WARNING:

***To confuse these two franchises could be fatal to a blossoming Nerd-lationship***

Make sure you don’t fall into this trap by consulting my quick reference guide to make it sound like you know what you’re talking about.

First, let’s talk about Star TREK. Here is what to know:

  • The prime directive
  • Tribbles
  • Captain Kirk – Original
  • Captain Jean Luc Picard – Next Generation
  • Captain Benjamin Sisko, Captain Kathryn Janeway, Captain Jonathan Archer
  • The rest of the captains that aren’t Kirk or Picard
  • Klingons
  • Phazers
  • The Borg

Next, let’s talk about Star WARS. Here is what to know AT A BARE MINIMUM:

  • The Force
  • Wookies
  • Han Solo
  • Vader
  • Lightsabers
  • The Death Star

If ever confronted by a Nerd asking you which prequel is your favorite, IT’S A TRAP! There were no good prequels.

Alright gals, you are ready to seduce your potential Nerd crush! However, if you are still searching for your Dream Nerd, I would suggest you dive into such things as:

Magic: The Gathering, Dungeons & Dragons, Game of Thrones (BOOKS not TV), Babylon 5, Farscape, World of Warcraft, anything Neil Gaiman has written.

If all else fails, pull the rip-cord and say, “Can you believe they canceled Firefly?”

It’s never not worked.

Carisa Barreca has performed with The Second City on NCL Cruises, in Theatricals, on and around The UP Comedy Club, and at The Lyric Opera with The Second City’s Guide To The Opera. She is currently thrilled to be an Ensemble member on Second City’s E.T.C. Stage. She enjoys baking and giving baked goods to people. You can follow her infrequent and nonsensical Tweets at @Cinderisa.

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