Second City Network

Leaked! The New Year’s Resolutions of Top Tech Companies:

Netflix: Really go for it this year and split into 5 companies.

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Twitter: Achieve the magic ratio of 1 actual user for every 10 spambots.

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LinkedIn: David has requested to add you as a connection on LinkedIn!

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Google: Add more features to the spooky ghost town that is Google Plus.

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Facebook: No company resolutions, but Nick Hillman of Dover, DE, you need to stop favoriting all of Bethany’s photos. You’re creeping her out.

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foursquare: Make money somehow.

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tumblr: Make money somehow.

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Grooveshark: Make money somehow.

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Apple: WE ARE APPLE. YOU ARE APPLE. ALL ARE APPLE. GOOGLE MAPS SUCKS.

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Groupon: Sell a groupon that makes everyone believe it’s 2010 again.

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Kickstarter: Continue being an enabler to people who probably should have given up a while ago.

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Instagram: Maybe just lay low for a while.

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-Tim Ryder

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