I’m committed to letting you in on the most important lesson of your life. Instead of getting people to like you, it’s way more valuable to get people to stop hating you.
Why People Hate You and How to Get Them to Stop: Volume 2
Know-It-Alls Always Have Less Friends Than Dummies
Some people are so smart, and boy– they’ll do anything to let you know it, even spoil your potential respect for them. If you are one of these people– consistently answering questions posed to someone else, constantly correcting people, stubbornly speaking as if your opinion is fact, I sincerely feel for you. And I’ve been there. But from experience, I promise that people around you think you suck. Even when you’re right. In fact, if you forcibly insert your knowledge into other people’s faces, nobody cares if you’re right. They root for you to be wrong.
It’s important to recognize that here on planet Earth, we can generally tell the smart people from the dumb ones without a word said. People who are always trying to show you how smart they are– are consistently doing a better job of showing you how insecure they can be.
If something doesn’t need to be said, don’t say it. No word or action should be solely an outgrowth of one’s fear. Fear someone doesn’t like you. Fear you’re not good enough. Fear no one is listening to you. Fear of silence.
As directors tell improvisers, “If you have something funny to say, say it. If you want to say something funny just to prove you’re funny, then you’re in trouble.”
This doesn’t mean you are sentenced to silence Know-It-Alls. It means pick and choose your battles. It makes your words means more.
Bigots and Shit Talk
Yeah, you THINK you can skip this part. Cause you’re semi-cool with blacks or whites or Mexicans. But bigots are all over the place.
I’m a white guy. And sometimes other white guys assume that when they’ve had a few drinks they can talk a little shit about women or blacks or whoever. If you have ever done this to me and I nodded and didn’t add anything, that nod was me COMPLETELY WRITING YOU OFF.
It’s 2013! If you still generalize people, you’re a fucking dope, and people around you know it. And this goes for black people who talk shit about Mexicans, and vice versa. And white people who do “ironic” racist jokes too much are actually racist folks.
Same goes for shit talk, and I’ve done my share. If the only way you can relate to others is by negativity, I quit calling ya. Unfortunately for me, most people bond over dislikes as opposed to likes in this primitively cynical society we’re stuck in.
Personally, I’d rather take a bath in dry ice than listen to people bitch about who’s making it. Ever notice those people who bitch about hipsters, or rich people, or pretty girls/guys, would fucking kill for their approval? Fucking kill. You can see the fear in their eyes and the shakes in their hands. Don’t fall prey!
Besides, if somebody you don’t like is doing better than you are, the hard truth is maybe they actually are BETTER than you.
Stop bitching. Take the pain.
You Treat the Help Poorly
I can always spot the asshole at a dinner table by how they treat the waiter. If you talk down to the waiter, you cease to understand that they are fulfilling a role– but in actuality, you are both at the same level.
People I hate think they are entitled to something. The world owes you nothing. And if you’re reading this, it probably gave you more than your share already. You have to wait in line like everyone else. If you are hardworking, beautiful, talented and brilliant– YOU STILL DON’T DESERVE ANYTHING. Traffic, weather and slow service is not below you.
You’re Beautiful; It’s Society That’s Fucked
Here’s the takeaway. If you are responsible for any of the above, it’s because somewhere along the line somebody or something fucked you up. But that’s what happens to everybody. And the truth is… it’s not my problem. Cuz you can change. Nobody’s asking you to be perfect. And that’d be boring, anyway. A person who’s conquered all their demons is about as boring as one who is consumed by them. If you don’t want people to hate you: Simply try to be your best more than your worst. You may inevitably fail miserably.
But at least I won’t hate you.
Billy Bungeroth, (Editor) is a Director and consultant at The Second City in Chicago and also plays guitar with JC Brooks and the Uptown Sound. You can follow Billy on Twiiter @BillyBungeroth or learn more than you should from his continuing adventures at http://lessthan40.blogspot.com/.