Second City Network

Browsing the "Words" Category

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Where to Shop Instead of Mean Old Abercrombie & Fitch

Something unsavory’s been creeping across our news feeds lately: a bunch of anti-ugly-and-fat-people comments made by Abercrombie & Fitch CEO of Nightmares, Mike Jeffries. He’s quoted as saying the following:               “Candidly, we go after the cool kids. We [more]

May 9, 2013 By: Liz Kozak, Comedy, Words
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Top 10 Responses in Martha Stewart’s Inbox

  10. “I don’t mean to be forward, but there’s a fitted sheet in my bedroom that could use a proper folding.” 9. “How about you, me, and an afternoon stroll through Jo-Ann Fabrics? Let’s stitch ourselves up a crafternoon to remember.” [more]

May 7, 2013 By: Kate Lambert, Words

What George Lucas Really Thinks About You Nerds

Kevin Sciretta is a writer and improviser living in Chicago. In addition to working for The Second City, he is also a contributing writer for The Onion News Network and a regular performer at iO Chicago. [more]

May 3, 2013 By: Kevin Sciretta, Comedy, Words

5 Events the Suspected Bombers’ Mom Doesn’t Believe Took Place

Tamerlan and Dzhokhar’s mother came forward to offer her own theory on the heartbreaking events in Boston: the senseless tragedy was just “something like a really big play.” That carnage on the street? Benjamin Moore’s shade “Caliente,” perhaps. She says [more]

May 3, 2013 Comedy, Words

24/7 Parent Street with Parenting Pro Dr. Pamela D.

Parenting Pro Dr. Pamela D. answers your toughest child-rearing questions. Dear Pam, I have a 16-month-old son, and my wife and I are thinking about rescuing a dog. We are conflicted about whether or not we can handle the extra [more]

April 30, 2013 By: Conner O'Malley, Comedy, Words

Another F*@king Newsflash from the Sorority Psycho

Editor’s Note: Shortly after running this article, we received this response from recently-resigned sorority girl Rebecca Martinson. Not really. But if we had, we imagine this is what she might say to us… Dear Second City Network Asshats, If you [more]

April 29, 2013 By: Nikki Pierce, Words

Missed Connections From the Apocalypse


April 26, 2013 By: Kristina Felske, Comedy, Words
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4 Girls Not Going to Take Your Child to Work Day

Today, daughters (and sons) across America are dressing up in tiny business suits–complete with white Reeboks– to commute with their moms and dads to go to work. And some girls are just gonna take a raincheck. Here’s who is opting [more]

April 25, 2013 By: Liz Kozak, Comedy, Words

Suburban Sex Party News

Howdy, howdy! Ken Dorothy here again, bringing you yet another update from that little bastion you folks in the big city all dream of living in — the ‘burbs! It’s easy to be jealous from afar, so move on out [more]

April 23, 2013 By: John Hartman, Comedy, Words
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The Real Historical Season 6 Premiere of Mad Men!

TV shows are important, very important. Are TV shows more important than history? Yes. Everyone knows this. But what if a TV show like Mad Men had more history in it? We’ll never know, because the show doesn’t let history [more]

April 19, 2013 By: Hans Holsen, Words